about me

i reallly wonder why is it that somethings that ppl say meant a lot than others. Coz tt person means more to you? more than a week ago, someone said something really hurting to me. Till today... i am still thinking of what that person said. dunno why that has affected me so much... so much until i am very sian.

wat that person said has something to do with the organisation that i m involved in. this organisation was such an integral part of me but now i m so sick of it. Jus feel so worthless and extra. Ppl can easily manage without me. anniversary got ailing to settle, normal workings got matt to handle and cpr classes cfm dun need me coz got hz. I am only involved coz i have time. My life revolves around this organisation so if there are nothing on, most likely i will be free. I gave up so much stuff for this until i am beginning to think that am i being too stupid. No one will appreciates you for all that you've done. Why don't i go and get my own life?

I once recalled something that someone has mentioned: all those who stayed behind are not always the best ppl. its very true coz when u look around me, i can use 1 hand to count those truly capable ppl. Its very rare that you see those best cadets around. Its either the power hungry ppl or those who have nothing better to do and very rare do you find ppl who are truly sincere. This brings me back to myself. Which group to i belong to?

I think i am now in an identity crisis. I am trying to find where i belong to. And the reason for my existence in this organisation. I am always that X's something, the girl always with Y and so on. I was nv Yanling and Yanling alone. Still think my family is the best. At least they know me as Yanling and always Yanling. I really regret neglecting them for this organisation. That time too young liao, now gg to make it up to my family.

sigh.. i think i m pms-ing but at least i feel better getting these out of my chest and writing them out helps to bring things into focus... not all stuff are written but at least i feel better now..