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Friday, July 22, 2005

gathering day

not a bad day leh...

i started the day by going to youyi's house to play mahjong. Lost like mad but nvm.. din play a lot of money.. den after tt met 7A for dinner at the glass house. A bit pathetic coz only got ard 8 ppl initially den increased to abt 11. But we ended the day early coz the guys wanted to go and play game. duh....

after that i went esplanade to meet the st john gals. haha.. had so much fun with them even though its only for a little while. a bunch of mad gals but i really loveeee them.. (",) looking forward to another day with them. We literallly did nothing except to take photos and sat there and rot. got quite a couple of weird looks from other ppl but i guess we jus bo chup lah...

quite a fufilling day.. feeling good abt it...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

new look!

i did something drastic today... well i changed my look.. guessed wat i did?

i rebonded my hair!

i pondered for a long time before i finally made up my mind to do it. Even when i was at the hairdresser, kylie kept asking me if i am sure.

well.. some ppl said that my curly hair looks better but some other ppl think otherwise. For myself.. i am alright with both straight and curly hair lah. Straight hair easier to maintain coz i no need to curl in the morn and i can finally comb my hair. But I have to rmb not to tuck behind my ear and cannot tie.

Anyway, i still cannot get use to this new look. Missed my curls!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

it finally came

yeah... harry finally came!! Going to start reading it today. SO exciting.....

BUT i broke my mum's vase in the process. Dunno what happened but i guess i pulled on something when i signed the dumb receipt... so irritated. Going to find the same one or a nicer one for my mum...

and.. i think my little bro is in love.. haha.. with my cousin.. dunno why.. but i feel so happy for him. haha...

Monday, July 18, 2005

so disapointed

abt a week ago.. i blog abt this mysterious person who sent me harry potter. the book was supposed to come on saturday but i was busy with my granny's wake and wasn't at home.

today.. supposed to come today one... waited whole day at home anticipating its arrival. and in the end?? NEVER COME!!

wah.. so disappointed and angry. i even called to check and the person said my book is on its way. first thing tmr morning. COMPLAIN!

so sad.... *sobzzz*... was looking forward to the book so much...

Sunday, July 17, 2005

tired..

my 外婆 was peacefully buried yesterday at lim chu kang cemetery.. sigh.. really cannot stand her going.. and the undertaker sucks leh.. all so messy.. and my ah ma keep complaining that a lot of things were wrong but too late liao.. so we 将错就错 loh.. luckily my 外婆 very 随便 one.. anything oso can..

anyway, after the burial we came home.. like very bad coz like got some stuff haven finish den my 姑姑 keep pushing us to come home coz she wants to go back. Den she keep saying that leave the things there for them to do. Its so bad leh.. coz the four of us are the eldest but never help much.. like not part of the family like that. 外孙 so wat? not part of the family meh.. .sian.. some drawbacks of chinese traditions..

After got time bath and sleep for 12 hours!! Was super late for tuition in the morning.. such a bad teacher coz i am late for nearly all my lessons.. sian..

Anyway, i would really like to thank everyone who have came down and offered their support. esp to my dear who have been there nearly everyday. Thanks everyone!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

she's free now

my po po(mother's mum) passed away today at noon. Sigh.... cry? sad? yes.. but somehow i am so relieved. Coz she's finally not suffering anymore.

She first got a stroke in 2000 and at first she can still talk and recognise us. But gradually, over the years, she was confined to bed and cannot talk or recognise us anymore. Last month, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Doctor say cannot operate coz she was too weak. So we literally are waiting for her to go. Last Friday, her body swollen but doctor refused to admit her coz he says he cannot help her also. So we moved her from my uncle's place back to her own house and were literally preparing for her funeral already.

This morn daddy scared me out of my sleep, saying that po po is critical so we went over. Den i sat there and watched her breathing got slower and her pulse getting weaker. Finally, she let go at noon. Even though we expected it but everyone was still very sad.

She used to dote on us a lot even thou she always scold us. But before she got a stroke, she always bring my siblings and me to the provision shop and buy ice cream for us. And her house is always properly "stocked" with toys. I always rmb that the first thing we do when we got to her house is to sneak underneath the 神台 where all the toys are and start playing until mummy nagged us to greet granny and grandpa. That was very long ago. As we got older, our weekly visits got lesser and lesser until we only go there a couple of times a year. Feel so bad...

Anyway, i am still glad that at least she's relieved. I cannot stand seeing her in such pain and cannot do anything abt it.

Bye bye granny! You will always be in our hearts...

thanks!

thanks darling! i realised that i really missed him a lot.. sigh...

Sunday, July 10, 2005

National Competition 2005

Today's the day. The last time my sec 3s are going to be involved in a first aid compeition. This year, we went there to win. My boys wanted to get champion coz i told them we have nv got champion before. My girls expect at least a third coz of pressure from the seniors last year.

I went to send them into the compeititon in the morn and rushed back to hougang for tuition. Den after tuition, i flew back to watch them compete. I missed ivy's nursing case and half of angela's nursing case. But overall i thought Angela's was quite okay, Ivy a little not up to their standard and Shi Wei's was sigh.......

By the end of the day, i was so sure that we are not gg to get anything. I was so sad.

Then it was time for the results. WOW!! They really shocked me!!

Shi Wei's team took part in the Ambulance Adult Category and they got:
1. Best CPR
2. Best First Aid Long Case
3. Runner up for Transportation of casulty
4. Overall 2nd (being 3.5 marks away from champion coz their short case was too terrible. They got last loh)

Angela's team went for Nursing Adult and got:
1. Best CPR
2. Runner up for First Aid
3. Best Foot Drill
4. Overall 2nd

Ivy's team went for Nursing Cadet and got:
1. Runner up for First Aid

Ivy's team was so sad coz they did not even get 3rd but they were only 2 marks away. Not their fault lah coz NC always has very tough competition.

BUT i am still so proud of my juniors! They got trophies in both the adult categories even though they are the hardest. Really really so proud of them.

RV SJAB ROCKS!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

blood donation...... SUCCESSFUL!!

i finally managed to donate blood today!! after 2 failed attempts... got free brands chicken essence somemore.. (",)

at first i tot cannot donate coz my blood droplet floated on the solution! den the nurse went to use the meter and realised tt i can donate afterall!

And today my vein nv run away. Next time should ask the nurse to use my left hand lah.. last time i used my right hand den vein ran away so i got a big bruise AND nv managed to donate blood.

My next donation is after 1st Oct. I think i will go and donate on my 21st birthday. Quite a meaningful way to spend my birthday.. haha...

mysterious person

2 days ago, i received this email:

BUT the problem is:
1. I was at home but i did not on my computer until late at night.
2. I have no money lah... how to pay?
3. I do not intend to buy Harry Potter, yet.. so how can i order this??

So i emailed them an ask if there was any problem. But they sent me an email with my correct particulars. If you type the wrong email add, you cannot probably get all the details wrong right?

And so i emailed them and ask if payment has been made and they said yes. Apparently someone purposely sent this to me.

BUT WHO?? i do not know of anybody who will send things to me for no particular reason. Some ppl suggested my bf then i said that he will not do these kind of things. Then a friend said that i oso said the same thing during v-day that he will not give me flowers but i got a bouquet for v-day. That time i was so happy. SO maybe it could be him... but wat spurred him to do this?

Meanwhile, can anyone tell me if they are the mysterious person? Thanks!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

relationship

i guess ppl of my age now are all busy looking for a partner. even the most nerdy ones are trying to think of gg into relationships.

having been in a co-ed school all my life, i was always surrounded by guys. Frankly speaking, i have never tot of gg into a relationship. i jus cannot stand the guys that i see around me. the good ones either will nv notice me or are already attached. some better ones are better off as friends den bf... i have already decided to try in JC until he came along...

sigh.. its really so easy to be in a relationship but its really hard to maintain a relationship. i realised that compromise is really impt and you have to believe in what you compromise with. When one party gives in too much, it gets really tiring. sigh... i m very tired now....

Sometimes i really wonder where i stand in his life. I feel like i am never appreciated. There is always a problem with me. What's wrong with me??

Miss him so much but i very long nv see him liao.. the last time i saw him was last last sunday and its really SAW coz we met for less than 10 mins and talk for no more den 2 sentences. The last time we really went out was nearly a month ago. We could have talked on the phone right? But the last time we talked was exactly a week ago. How come so long ago? Coz i am waiting for him to realise that i am missing from his life. His computer is probably more interesting than i am. Does he ever miss me??? sigh... I really wonder what is he busy with.

Somehow I have this feeling that we are both waiting for the other party to call. That's the problem when 2 parties are so stubborn... sigh... maybe we have a problem...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

my clothes

why always have to take my clothes?? always say i take her things....

of all my shirts she has to choose NEW one!!!!!!!!! i was saving it for the new school term leh.. its only a plain white top loh.. so many white tops she must wear that one ah?????????

i very angry now.......... argh..............

my name

wow.... for a very long time, i tot my jolyn with this particular spelling (J-O-L-Y-N) was very special until today, i found a SECOND person with exactly the same spelling.

i happened to pass by the notice board where they put the student's oral timetable. den i happen to spot this girl called jolyn ke wan lin... haha.. i was so amazed...

for like 13 years, i haven found anyone with my name.. but this year, i n under 6 months, i found TWO! seems like my name is no longer special.. but its okay lah.. i still like my name.. (",)

Thursday, June 30, 2005

a day in school

was doing nothing while waiting for my kids so took some dumb pictures... the block where the st john room is located... been having power trip since tues but the switch box is in the guides room so up till today we still do not have power supply and have to do stuff in the dark...
their st john notice board... OMG... its so horribly ugly. i must remind them to change it once Nat Com is over...
our achievements! so proud of the the school... haha...
the school building.. so ugly...
the hall.. another ugly part...

my poor nalgene

look at my poor nalgene.. got a break in the handle.. dunno where i got it from oso.. sigh... poor nalgene....now i dun even dare to hold it by the handle coz i am afraid i will aggravate the condition. looking for a way to replace it...

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

shopping spree at esprit

these 2 days i have 50% off all items at esprit all because a friend was working with esprit.

Yesterday evening i rushed down to take a look with huimin after we got her shoes at queensway. As we got there pretty late, plus got a lot of ppl, we did not managed to get a lot of things except for a top. But its only for $9.95!! An esprit top wor.. haha...

Today, i planned to spend like 1 whole day there but could not find ppl to go with me. Finally i found rena! yeah! thanks gal!! haha... we met there at around 330pm and walked straight into esprit and spend the day there. We stayed till 7pm and walked away with 2 watches, 1 top, 1 jacket and a pair of bottoms. I bought a watch for my sister and a top and bottom for myself. Rena bought herself a watch and a jacket. That's not the end of the day. We left Raffles city to go to mandrain esprit again!! i have another friend working there and this time we were there to find a skirt that we saw at raffles but got no size. And we bought the skirt there! This skirt is a present for rena but she had to pay first coz me got no money liao.

haha... i feel so happy even thou i m gg to be real super broke.. this feel so good coz everything is on great discount... i think we spend around $360 bucks in a couple of hours and now i only have a few bucks to my name but i m feeling great!. I do not even dare to look at my account balance. hehe.. omg.. this is bad. i rather not eat than not shop.. shit.. this is very bad... but i had fun! thanks rena! and jolin!

River Valley St John 45th Anniversary Celebrations

this day is finally over... the results of weeks of planning, meetings and headaches.

This event has really been a learning experience. I must say i have gained a lot from this event.

Despite being present for 4oth anniversary, none of us had any idea what happened behind the scenes. So, in the end, we started from scratch. From guest lists to invitation cards, emails, t-shirts, souvenirs, programme sheets, the actual programme and the list goes on. We literally started from ZERO but we managed to pulled through. I am so proud of my fellow officers, OCTs and my juniors. In spite of some hiccups during the event, i am glad that the most of it went well.

The progress through this event had not been an easy. I have faced the most ups and downs i ever had in one period during this event. For the past couple of weeks, i have faced joy, disappointment, low self confidence and the final sense of achievement. I really wanted to give up halfway but I still hanged on till the end and i am glad that i did that. I would have been so disgusted with myself if i just walk out on my friends like that.
Thinking back, that period of time was so stressed. Like what a friend said, it was even worst than studying. I totally agree. All the late nights and the running here and there and the endless meetings. Sigh...

Now that it is over, i have other things on my hand. When will the things ever end? No, they will never end. The question i should ask myself is how long do i want to carry on doing all these. A friend once teased me, saying that i will only quit when St John collapse. I guess he might be correct.

Joining RV and St John was the turning point of my life. I will not be who i am now without the trainings from St John and i would not have met one of the most important people in my life if not for St John. Words cannot describe how i feel about St John(probably coz i m bad at them) so i am not going to try and describe.

Anyway, go the site below for some snippets of the event.

Staying Empowered During Stressful Times

It happens to the best of us. No matter how adept we become in handling difficulties, solving problems, and staying optimistic, there will be times when the once brightly-lit road becomes foggy. We can't perform at 100% 100% of the time. Sometimes we trip, and occasionally, the mistake can feel so severe that it gives our previously rock-solid confidence a resounding crack. So what do we do when we start to feel lost? How can we remain empowered and positive through stressful times?

Well, firstly, many people think that asking for help or guidance is a sign of weakness. It's needy, they feel, something that the truly capable will never request, even though they may really need the support. This is a mistaken view. The giving of help need not be a simple handout. When we give, we also receive. And if we are open to the gift of help, we may yet gain the strength that we can use to help others in future. You don't have to be the victim in need of charity. Make it a partnership; something that benefits all parties involved either immediately or in the future.

When our confidence takes a beating, we may feel like withdrawing from society, from the communities in which we used to participate. But this simply strains your self-worth even more. So, even if you're in a particularly stressful state, continue to tap into any groups of people with whom you have positive, interactive relationships on an ongoing basis. Sometimes, when everybody expects you to shrivel and disappear, simply showing up will be enough to give you and your community that much-needed boost.

During nerve-racking times, it's also important that you remain real and true to yourself. It's easy to feel as though you've become half the person you used to be. But staying positive and re-connecting with your passions and life purpose will help a great deal. Stay centred and self-respecting, but be careful not to overdo it as to appear arrogant or delusional.

When we're at our lowest ebb, when we're feeling so deflated that we think we cannot possibly have anything more to give? we can very often surprise ourselves. Mountaineers, long-distance runners, and other endurance sportspeople know that even if it feels as if we have only one remaining breath, if that breath is spent giving ourselves one final push, we can often achieve the seemingly insurmountable. So give of yourself. Do what you can to still help others. The joy of giving from the heart may just be enough to bridge that gap between stress and joy, and give you a whole new positive direction.

And remember to always turn towards love. Grow towards greatness. At the end of the day, there are only two choices - love or fear. If you can love without fear, you will never be beaten.

i got this from a friend... if only i had read this earlier....

Sunday, June 19, 2005

thanks xiling!

today a bit sian at first coz i was very tired.. din sleep too much last night den this morn had to take cab to tuition. So irritating.. i spent like 20 over bucks on taxi fare these 2 days. Sian...

I got home in the afternoon den got set to calling the old ppl to check if they are coming for the anniversary celebration. At first i din want to go out coz i want to go and sleep den xiling msg me on msn. There's only the two of us so i decided that i should not disappoint her and so i agreed to meet her after i'm done with my stuff.

Its like the first time we went out together. haha.. she was dressed nicely in skirt with a little handbag den i was like i jus came back from the wet market.. haha.. in lok-kok clothes and a gigantic big bag. Anyway, we started by shopping a little of bugis den we went downstairs to look at bags and made our way to bugis street to shop. When we're hungry after shopping, we decided to try out this cafe on the 2nd level. Not a bad place with good and cheap food. After we've finished combing bugis street, we went back to bugis to walk a while.

wow.. din realised we can spend so much time.. haha.. we met at 4pm den we shopped till like 9.30pm. but seriously the new bugis is quite nice to jus walk around coz the clothes are cheap and nicer. A lot better than far east. Think i've out-grown that place. But unlike what xiling thought, i dun think there was any shuai ge ard to see lah.. haha.. (",)

I din buy much stuff... only a denim skirt for $11.90 coz there was a 50% off! I din really like the skirt but i bought coz i so paiseh i knocked down their clothes bar. I oso bought a bag for my sister. Identical to mine. quite dumb but she like my bag and i oso like my bag so i decided that we should not fight for the bag. BUT BUT BUT... i oso saw a very very pretty and nice straw bag! but a bit over my budget. In fact its double my budget for bags. It costs $39.90 and the person say no discount. So i still considering whether i should buy. I see how lah.. should go back and see for a few more times before i decide if i really like it.

anyway, i really gotta thank xiling for dragging me out to walk around and for all her praises. hehe.. i guess i was in a little depression but xiling's kind words made me feel so much better. I really survive on praises. But seriously, praises are good esp when you are feeling lousy coz they make you feel like you're worth something. At least there's something great about you. Thanks xiling!

My resolution now is to make other ppl's day by praising them jus like what someone has done to me. (",)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

about me

i reallly wonder why is it that somethings that ppl say meant a lot than others. Coz tt person means more to you? more than a week ago, someone said something really hurting to me. Till today... i am still thinking of what that person said. dunno why that has affected me so much... so much until i am very sian.

wat that person said has something to do with the organisation that i m involved in. this organisation was such an integral part of me but now i m so sick of it. Jus feel so worthless and extra. Ppl can easily manage without me. anniversary got ailing to settle, normal workings got matt to handle and cpr classes cfm dun need me coz got hz. I am only involved coz i have time. My life revolves around this organisation so if there are nothing on, most likely i will be free. I gave up so much stuff for this until i am beginning to think that am i being too stupid. No one will appreciates you for all that you've done. Why don't i go and get my own life?

I once recalled something that someone has mentioned: all those who stayed behind are not always the best ppl. its very true coz when u look around me, i can use 1 hand to count those truly capable ppl. Its very rare that you see those best cadets around. Its either the power hungry ppl or those who have nothing better to do and very rare do you find ppl who are truly sincere. This brings me back to myself. Which group to i belong to?

I think i am now in an identity crisis. I am trying to find where i belong to. And the reason for my existence in this organisation. I am always that X's something, the girl always with Y and so on. I was nv Yanling and Yanling alone. Still think my family is the best. At least they know me as Yanling and always Yanling. I really regret neglecting them for this organisation. That time too young liao, now gg to make it up to my family.

sigh.. i think i m pms-ing but at least i feel better getting these out of my chest and writing them out helps to bring things into focus... not all stuff are written but at least i feel better now..