life..

wah.. i realised tt my last blog was more like 10 days ago!! din realise i nv wrote anything for so long... actually i wanted to write something over the weekend coz i have something to say but was too busy n tired..

Sigh.. last week was madness.. biz proj due on mon ( and we were still doing the proj like 4 hrs b4 it was dued), got 201 test on wed(nv sleep loh, spent so long studying den the test turn out so easy), 204 test on fri(deduct 0.5 mark for every wrong ans, stressful) and den this mon got 203 lab report dued(omg.. this one is the worst, so hard to do, in the end i 2 days nv sleep n handed it in late)..... so stressed...

Today is wed liao.. next tues is first paper n i haven started studying tt paper loh.. OMG... how?? no study break leh n got tonnes of stuff to do... so sian...

Anyway, i still want to write abt something tt i wanted to write over the weekend... erm.. wondering where i should start...

Actually something happened on saturday.. den it made me question the me tt i have always prided myself upon for so many years..

I have always considered myself a mature, sensible and sensitive girl. I believe that i am old enough to be able to handle many things like school, finance and relationship well. But I jus realised tt i m not that capable as i tot i was. I realised that i am actually a horribly over-sensitive, unreasonable n unconfident girl... i cannot believe that i am so bad at handling my personal things..

i guess wat a fren of mine used to say is correct. i really need to grow up. I might not be a small girl physically but i am so super childish mentally.. Looks like its grow up time.

more abt friends

I have this fren,A who WAS very good fren with this other gal,B. But due to some misunderstanding, their relationship became very bad. Recently, B jus deleted A'stestimonial for her and her testimonial for A. B said that she did it because she was upset with wat A said in her blog. And since things have became so bad, she should jus let A start afresh and remove everything from A's life. She even sent A a letter and returned A all the postcards tt she wrote for B.

OMG! This is so childish loh. I find this so funny. 20 yr old gal dun even know how to handle her friends. Actually i think that B is influenced too much by her bf. She does everything her bf said and her bf is controlling her too much. Personally i think that B is not a bad girl loh.

Sigh... Its sad to know that something like this can happen to a friendship which was so strong. Its take 2 hands to clap and it takes 2 hearts to make a friendship work. If either one is going to let a third party affect n influence their relationship, it seems like either party has to do some soul searching as to why they are allowing someone else to affect them.

meaningful phrases

read this from a friend's friend's blog.. tot its very meaningful.. jus wanna share...

"Although we cannot go back in time to make a brand new start, we can start now to make a brand new ending!

"We are a product of the past, but we are not the slaves of the past. Our past determines our present, but we determine our future.

friends

People always say how impt friends are and how you should treasure your friends. But sometimes i can help but feel that some friends might not be such good company at all. One really have to choose your friend properly. What do you do if you realised that you have a friend who have been very close with you and u cant stand some stuff that she do? What will u tell her?

I have this friend. We have a weird relationship. We used to be real good friends den something happened coz i cant stand something that she did and we stop talking to each other. Den by a twist of fate, we became good friends again. But recently, i cannot stand some stuff that she is doing. I feel like she is always showing off her stuff. Dunno how to put into words but she make me feel like she is always trying to show how good she is. I dunno if everyone feels the same or is it because i feel this way coz i am jealous. Talking to her is getting stressful coz she makes me feel 'useless'. I feel so inferior. How should i tell her what i think without hurting her? Or should i jus keep quiet and not tell her anything?

I have been thinking abt this for a few days. I know everyone has bad habits. For most of my close friends, i can think of some bad habits that they have but i can stand those bad habits coz i know this is part of what make them special. But somehow, this bad habit of this fren of mine.. i cannot take it leh...

Sigh.. i have enough to trouble over these fews days without having to have her to bother me. Sigh.. stressed...

sian...

Sigh... today's a sian day.. omg.. so stressed... SO MUCH things to do. I have an assignment due this fri, 2 tests next week, proj due on mon, and a lab report due next fri. AH!!!!! And exams is coming in 2 weeks... OMG... how???

Den all my uni frens so hardworking. I see liao very sian loh. The env is already so tensed, and they made it worst by adding to the env. But not their fault lah. They are the hardworking ppl while i m always the slacker.

Sigh... actually my fault lah.. push everything till last min den do. Dunno wat's wrong with me.. cannot seem to be able to do things earlier and ahead of schedule... Den push everything together and made myself so stress...

But i'm so glad got hz there for me. At least i know there's him to make me feel better. No need to talk or do anything. Everything jus seem right when i gets to be with him. I feel like ever since we are together, i am getting dependent on him. Doesn't sound good leh.... but... i shall not think of wat's gg to happen in future n jus treasure watever tt's ahead of me.

HTML

Wow.... html is so chim.. dunno wat's gg on... haha... supposed to follow joven's instruction and to paste the stuff onto my template.. but hor.. i a bit like dun understand and cannot find. Den i think i very clever, went to paste my code in frontpage den paste it back into my template again. But like looks weird.. in the end i reset everything.. and went back to look for my side bar.. after a bit of figuring stuff out.. i managed to find!! haha.. so proud of myself. and i managed to add links on.. haha.. fun leh... holiday resolution is to learn HTML.

Today met hz at sim lim b4 mtg the st john gang. Wow.. i m impressed with ourselves.. we managed to shop sim lim for 4 HOURS!!! unbelievable. Anyway, later had dinner with ailing, jov, jac, jingying, xiuling, hz n ling hwa. Supposed to be my birthday celebration. They gave me a very cute handbag leh.. haha.. love it man! Will bring it out when i have a chance.. Dinner was at killiney rd.. haha.. n as usual.. i ate porridge n chee cheong fan. The only diff is i ate fish porridge today.. but i still think tt my century egg with pork is nicer... But the thing tonight is not the food. Its the laughter.. Haha.. i haven laugh like this for quite a while leh... laugh until my mouth ache. Really miss the st john gals. not much time to be with them as everyone are bz with their own stuff.

Anyway, i was reading my fren's blog jus now. Sigh.. jus tot tt wat she said was really true.. i really share her sentiments abt being real lucky in life.. nv study much oso get above ave results. Always the slacker kind and dunno wat's my goal in life to work for. I dunno leh.. i feel like i m studying for the sake of studying.. i dunno wat i want to do with my degree. I was like saying i dun see a future n my fren said i should have known the prospects before entering the course. Actually, the main reason i m in my course is because i cant get into medicine n i jus want to do something bio or science related because i know that i can do well. I am jus scared of doing a course which i have totally no prior knowledge and everything is like deep waters and you dunno wat u are getting yourself into. Sigh... i m really going to watch a step at a time. And try to clear wat's in front of me first.

OMG!! wat to do?? i should really do something abt it right?? but like wat?? and how?? and where to start??

Out in the rain

Its 5am on sat morn. I jus finish 202 tut for mon. Sick...

I had quite an experience today... i was out on the road right in the middle of a heavy rain. Chris was sending me to hougang for tuition and it started to rain jus as we were getting onto SLE. But we nv stop to avoid the rain, we jus keep going and i felt so good. Imagine the wind blowing right at you with the rain falling on you. SHIOK! haha... but it was colddddddddd...... Anyway, its really an experience. I know this is silly but i have always like the rain but dun dare to really stand out in the rain coz i dun like being wet and uncomfortable. This unavoidable situation today made me realise how cool the rain can be. It seems to be able to wash all your worries and trouble away with the water.

Anyway, after tuition we went to eat Chong Pang nasi lemak. Quite nice leh but rather inaccessible. Have to bring hz there one day coz he will love the chilli. Its so super hot loh...

Big 20!

OMG... the date i dread is finally here.. sob sob.. the big 20.. sigh.. no longer teenager liao.. quite sad.. now really have to grow up liao. No longer a kid..

Anyway, this yr birthday quite nice. I had dinner with ching ping, biyun, ju and their partners b4 my b-day. N my dear was there too. First time we all hang out together. Thought it was so sweet of him to go for my sake. He nv used to like hanging around with my friends. N i got flowers. (",) haha... 2nd one this yr.. the first one was v-day. Suddenly realised tt i love him so much. For all he had done for me. Hope he gets to see this.

Den the actual day today was a bit sad.. had lesson the whole day until 4.30pm den rush for tuition till 8pm. Sad way to spend today. But my uni frens celebrated for me during lunch. Had pizza and cake n a failed dessert tt i made on my own. =( Anyway, the food was all quite nice.. den i was so full. And i LOVE their present. Its the make-ur-own-scent perfume from bodyshop. It smells real good and look real nice. But i got smeared with cream. Eww..... Luckily they nv do anything drastic coz later we dirty the place den my vice-dean will come running after us.

Got home oso full of food. My mum cook a lot of food but i dun get to eat much coz i was home very late den mostly finished liao. And got my cake. WOW.. its so nice.. i specially got my sister to buy the banana choc one from the bakery near her workplace. OMG.. its super nice... loved it.. but its so sinful. And i had another slice of choc cake in the morn. (oso my sister buy for me one).

Really had a great day. Really very thankful to everyone who made my day. But ate so much fatty food. I had an overdose of endorphins from all the chocolates. So sinful. Have to go on diet liao. Next few days are going to be vege n fruits days...

back from m'sia

Actually this is a bit outdated lah.. i was away in m'sia on 2nd n 3rd oct. But haven got energy to write blog until today. Feeling very lethargic. I even slept during my mon lect which was on my fav topic(cardiac).

Anyway, the trip to m'sia was not very eventful but its quite interesting. I went to Sebana Cove which was in Desaru(a part of JB that's quite far fr Singapore, take abt 2-3 hrs by car n 45 mins by ferry). The place is a golf resort cum yacht club. Not much things to play but also, not much time to play oso. We got there at ard 1pm on 2nd den had lunch till abt 4pm. The lunch there not bad. The pizza and chicken wing was quite nice. Den my cousins went swimming n i stay in hotel room to look after my baby cousin. After a while i fall asleep until 6.30. Then i woke up to bath and attend my uncle's wedding dinner. (this was the main purpose for gg over to m'sia). They have this firefly trip but we cant go coz its at night. Sigh...

The dinner was okay lah. Food nothing real 'wow'. But the dessert was quite nice. They got this pastry thing with bean paste inside then was quite sweet and nice. They also got mango pudding which i da bao back to hotel but left it on the cab accidentally. Sad sad..

The next morn woke up at 9.30 den jus barely made it for the free breakfast. After that we went back to hotel room coz my baby cousin wanna sleep. Later in the day we went for a walk and took a few photos. SO HOT!! Check out at 3pm and took ferry back to singapore.

Den back home got so much homework to do. In the end i nv do anything but slept on the sofa while reading my textbook.

Now the after effects of the weekend.. feeling so lethargic...

Killiney

haha.. today so exciting... have been waiting for today from monday. Today met Tingting, eli n huimin for dinner. Very long nv come out together liao.. last time we all met was in january loh.. so sad.. miss the gals.. anyway.. we had dinner at killiney road. Ate chee cheong fan(char siew, durian, prawns and mushroom) and porridge. So yummyYyyyYyYyy..... But we ordered a bit too much den had a bit of hard time finishing the food. In the end, i could not try the almond paste that i actually wanted to eat one.. Next time must go back and eat (",).

SO we ate and talk. Laugh like siao on all the jokes and stuff and got mao2 gu3 song3 rang2 on all the errie stories that we were saying. I was still thinking abt the stories on the way home that i got so scared. Den got a lot of qian4 bian3 wen1 da2 ti2. A lot i dunno how to answer leh.. dunno if its i stupid or not qian4 bian3 enough. And after qian4 bian3 qns got some real logic questions. Haha.. n we(actually only huimin n me lah) took so super long to guess the answer den keep giving stupid answers and laugh like crazy.

Really really really enjoyed the short short few hours with them. Dunno when will we be able to see each other again but hope that it will be soon. Misses them a lot.....

hit by influenza

sigh... sick now.. with flu.. jus dunno which strain of flu.. Started on sunday lah. Was trying to rush the stupid 202 tut presentation den gotta study for 201 test. That weekend totally no time to study. Saturday's my uncle's wedding den i only got time to do tut den sunday got CPR refresher and spent a whole day at HQ den had dinner with Hz n gang and got home quite late. Reach home liao, sit in front of computer n started sneezing like crazy. Next morn still haven got better. Was sneezing all the way in school. And today not any better.. Was still sneezing but maybe not that bad. But my voice was super sexy. Sigh.. now cannot go near my baby cousin in case i spread the virus to him. Can only talk to him like 1 foot away. =(
And talking abt 202 tut, i m quite sick with a group mate of mine lah. She used to be the one who's doing all the compilation and because i was bz that weekend, i offered to do the compilation and got everyone to send me the stuff. That girl msg me at 930pm on sunday night ( the report is dued on sunday) and said that she oso very busy and got no access to computer. It simply means she cannot send me the stuff loh. I think she is jus trying to get away with it loh. From the 1st tut until now (6th), she nv do any homework one leh.. she only take our answers and den put them together. Sometimes her slides and stuff got so much error one and more often den not, the answers are always distorted. Den on monday, as she is the last one who haven presented in my group, if my group is called she will be the one to present so in order to avoid presenting, she decided to disappear from lesson. So irritating.... next time must make her do something.....

But 202 tut was quite fun.. haha.. not the tutor or content.. but because i brought my laptop to school and was transferring files from jolin's phone (sony ericsson k700i) to my computer n vice versa. quite fun leh.. den we were busy looking at photos on my laptop. In the end, i had no idea wat the whole tut was all abt... i nv pay attention at all. Next time cannot bring laptop to school on monda.. if not i no need to learn anything during tut liao lah....

Den today got a very sian lab... only used my hands for 30 mins. 15 mins was spent on briefing and another 2 hrs was spent on incubation. Den during the break, i went to see liu chuan fa's lab coz a fren is working there as part of a research programme tt's only for students on dean's list. sigh... the dean's list ppl seems to be learning so much more and they know more... dun even know wat they were talking about... felt so stupid.. should have worked harder to get onto dean's list. sigh.. sian..

Family

I attended 2 weddings this past week. 3 this yr so far. 2 weddings belong to my family ( 1 shu shu, 1 jiu jiu) and the 3rd one belongs to a fren. Sounds like wedding bells are in the air and ppl keep asking me when i will get married. Well... i dunno.. but its gonna be quite a long time. Maybe another 4 to 5 years more at least. But i think it will be later than that. So scared that i will be a huang lian po when i get married. (",)

Anyway, my jiu jiu's wedding was nothing fun and my fren's wedding was better but i din had much fun. My shu shu's wedding was the funniest. His wedding is today. Actually its his 2nd marriage then my ah ma dun want it to be too big scale so we jus had a dinner at home and invited close relatives and friends along. Although there was something wrong with the procedures and come cock ups here and there, generally its quite memorable.

Due to some stuff, the tea ceremony for my family's side was held at night. And according to the chinese tradition, the newly wedded couple has to serve tea to the elders and the younger ones has to serve tea to the couple. Usually my family only have the tea ceremony for the adults meaning that the nieces and nephews do not serve tea even though we are younger. However, today we did something else. EVERYONE was to serve tea. Including the younger ones and we got ang baos. I dunno who suggested it but it scared my uncle n new auntie and they tried to escape! But too bad, where can they go? In the end, the tea ceremony was held for us and it was so super funny. There's very little age between my and my cousins. For the older ones like my generation, there is one who is born every year. So we 'queue' up according to age for the ceremony and my uncle insists that if there is anything wrong with the sequence, he will not give ang pao. But even if there is really anything wrong he will not know one coz we know the sequence better then the adults do. And it was very funny coz we decided to disturb my new auntie. Someone tried to praise her to get an extra ang bao and another tried to 'cheat' another ang bao by giving my uncle tea. But both attempts to get extra ang bao failed.

This is surely a wedding that i will not forget and i think my uncle n auntie will not forget too. But this wedding really made my realise how strong is my family bond. We have so much fun together and when there is a problem, everyone stick together too. I still rmb a time when i was talking to my aunt on the phone and a fren commented that i sounded like i was talking to a fren. Luckily i am spending more time with my family now. I finally realised their importance and how much they mean to me. There was this period of teens adolescence when i missed sundays family gatherings. I was either out for st john(most of the time) or out with frens. And i think i miss out a lot of fun, laughter and bonding in the family. I am so glad that i finally woke up and realise the importance of them to me.

I hope we will stay so close all down the generations and i want to build a family that is as strong as the one that i have now.

Who moved my cheese?

Had a guest lecturer today who's supposed to be talking about medical immunology. Haha.. was so excited leh coz its at least something related to my interest. But things do not always go smoothly. I woke up late and was going to be late. Luckily my dad was going to work so i ask him to send me to jurong den i take bus, thinking that i might not be late afterall. In the end, got caught in TWO traffic jams. Took near to 40 mins to get to Jurong. In the end my dad drop me at BL den i take 179 to sch. He wanted to send me to sch one leh.. but the expressway to Tuas got accident den traffic jam. Sian.. Luckily i wasn't late. But the lecture was a bit disappointing. Its either the speaker wasn't very good or our PA system not good, but the person sounds like he's mumbling. I dunno why oso, but i nv fall asleep leh. Instead i listened for the whole lecture. So proud of myself.

Anyway... nothing was smoother later in the day. Even heaven oso go against me. It rained super heavily in the afternoon and I was wet even though there is covered walkway from canteen to school.

After school today, i went JP shopping with chris n saw Jiating leh. Oh my... its like so long nv see her. Really miss the secondary school days. I rmb one of my professors asked the class a question when i was in yr 1. He said 'Given the chance to remain at a stage of your life, which one do you want?' If u ask me the same question now, i will still say 16. Oh, how i love that period in sec 4. I think there is so much to remember from then. My class became super close. I made a lot of close friends. Had a great CCA. Great friends, great teachers, acceptable results, started a great relationship and had a great holiday. I seriously do not mind returning to that stage again. Even if it means taking O'levels all the time. But i know that time cannot be turned back. But i do not understand why do things have to change. I do not mind if things change for the better but i do like it when they change for the worst. Since sec 4, i guess i made a lot of great frens like my 7A frens, esp ting2, eli n huimin. But i lost quite a bit of frens too. Esp a lot of st john pals. Those that have been with me thru all the years. Quite sad to think of it. And a lot of things and people have changed too. How i wish i can make time stop. Really miss sec 4 days.

But i guess the cheese is going to finish one day and we have to go on looking for new cheese. We have to change and grow up one day. I think can only treasure what i have today and enjoy what i have.

First day of school

nothing went smooth today. 202 test was okay... but i forgot stuff that i studied. And after tt was worst.. i nv do tut n she asked me to go n present.. OMG.. present wat?? in the end, i took the ans of the girl sitting beside me. I jus read loh.. no idea was i was reading about....

N later.. the MB102 test was worst... the lecturer gave us chance to talk but no one talk to me... sigh.. in the end.. i think i read qns wrongly and rmb formula wrongly... gonna flunk liao... SIGHHHHHH...........

School reopens

School's starting tmr. With 2 tests to jump-start the semester. Finished studying 202. Halfway thru 102. I am praying hard that tests tmr wun be too hard.

And i went for my last aerobics lessons today. Sad sad, no money to sign up more lessons. Now can only depend on my self-discipline liao. Trying to find time to swim this week or wat. Dun think i will have time. Maybe next week lah. But den hor... so many lessons hor.. i like nv lose weight leh.. instead i like weigh heavier n eat more. So stupid. Now trying to survive on bananas for a few days n see if i will lose some weight.

MAF

Just came back from MAF abt 2hrs ago. So little ppl around... there's even space to stand in the central square. MAF used to be super packed with ppl that ppl overflow to the class bench area. Heard that seniors boycott MAF coz we are changing name. Sigh.. think of the name i oso very sad. Cannot believe that 10 yrs down the road.. no one will understand wat i say if i say tt i was from Hwa Chong Junior College. Jus hope that our songs and mass dance will remain. If not, i see no point in going back anymore.

Anyway, i had a little talk with a fren today. Its something that i have been keeping to myself for a very long time. It felt so good to tell someone and to admit that there is a problem. After having said it out loud, the problem dun seem so big anymore. Maybe i can get down to solving it. Hope so.

Some notes about love...

Love is not wondering how long it will last but how beautiful you can make it grow..

To love someone is not to possess that person, but to know that the person is happy.

It hurts to know that the person you love is happy with someone else but it hurts more to know that the person you love is unhappy with you.

Love without fear and embrace love with all your heart.

Turn the clock back pls...

Wow... so fast holidays is going to be over soon. So sian.. Din really enjoy much leh. The only enjoyment i had was a The Cinderella Story on Monday. Unless you consider tuition as fun. This holidays doesn't feel like a break, instead i felt as if i have more things to do than term time. As of today, i have 3 tests to study for ( 2 are on Monday and 1 on Fri) and 2 lab reports to do (1 is due next mon and 1 next fri) , 3 tutorials to do( all are due on monday) and 1 project research to carry out. OMG!! Where to find time??

I jus went back to school today for project meeting after aerobics and spent the rest of my time there(abt 5 hrs) reading ONLY 3 sets of lect notes on bacteria. N i still have 3 more sets to read. Sigh.. sian...

All the management's fault lah. Everything was so peaceful in school UNTIL they decided that NTU has to be like NUS and started to implement the mid-term tests. I had 1 test jus before the break and tt one is a nightmare. MCQ was still okay but when i got to the open-ended, there's where all the fun come. I had NO idea how to answer. The tutor lied to us. He said that it is going to be like tut but it turns out that this test was so much harder than the tut. I'm disappointed in him. He is supposed to be one of my fav lecturer in the school but he betrayed my trust for him.

Sian lah... i still have to find time to do tut n lab report n study for test. Weekend is gone as sat is MAF n sunday got tuition n aerobics. Maybe can squeeze some time on sunday to do tut. I was happily thinking that this is the only few weekend to relax as i dun have tut presentation to do., But it seems like i have more stuff to do. TIME NO ENOUGH!!! Can someone pls turn back the clock so tt i can have more time to do stuff?? HELP!!

Painful

sigh... the bruise decided to come out today n make itself obvious.. wah.. so big n painful... make me feel so sorry for myself..

anyway.. went for an aerobic class today after stopping for 2 weeks. Seems like not only my hand will hurt, my whole body is going to ache tmr morn.

After aerobics, i went to do a little shopping with my sister. Bought an Adidas water bottle.. find very long liao.. finally found it.. And i bought a bag for 15 dollars at Bugis Village. Its an imitation of Project shop one. Wanted to get original one but too ex lah.. it's 42 loh.. n since no one will be able to know the diff, i decided to get the fake one. But buy liao i felt so guilty. Guilty not because i bought the imitation but guilty coz i jus wasted money on a "want" and not a "need".

Yesterday night when i was going home, i saw this old lady who sat at the foot of the escalator at the MRT station selling tissue paper and i decided to buy some from her. I gave her a dollar and she wanted to give me 5 pkts. But i only took 4. After i've walked away for a while, i decided that i dun want so many pkts so i went back to return her 3 more pkts. In the end, i bought a pkt of tissue for a dollar. Den today, my sister n me saw the same thing at bugis. Looking at all the old ppl trying hard to sell some tissue paper to get some money made me realised how fortunate i am. Make me feel so guilty to be wasting money.. sigh... n i m supposed to save money. Super broke... took cab twice in 1 week... so expensive.

It's so ironical. Some ppl like me are trying hard not too eat jus to buy things and some ppl are trying hard to earn more money jus to eat. Really is shen1 zai1 fu2 zhong1 bu4 zhi1 fu2.

I NEED SLEEP!

Sigh.... the time now is 3.33am.... Rushing BS202 homework as usual. Everytime cannot sleep well on friday night.. den the "tired effect" will snowball until the next week and i will be very tired. Before i get back my energy, the next friday will come. OMG!! How?? Sigh.....