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Thursday, June 30, 2005

a day in school

was doing nothing while waiting for my kids so took some dumb pictures... the block where the st john room is located... been having power trip since tues but the switch box is in the guides room so up till today we still do not have power supply and have to do stuff in the dark...
their st john notice board... OMG... its so horribly ugly. i must remind them to change it once Nat Com is over...
our achievements! so proud of the the school... haha...
the school building.. so ugly...
the hall.. another ugly part...

my poor nalgene

look at my poor nalgene.. got a break in the handle.. dunno where i got it from oso.. sigh... poor nalgene....now i dun even dare to hold it by the handle coz i am afraid i will aggravate the condition. looking for a way to replace it...

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

shopping spree at esprit

these 2 days i have 50% off all items at esprit all because a friend was working with esprit.

Yesterday evening i rushed down to take a look with huimin after we got her shoes at queensway. As we got there pretty late, plus got a lot of ppl, we did not managed to get a lot of things except for a top. But its only for $9.95!! An esprit top wor.. haha...

Today, i planned to spend like 1 whole day there but could not find ppl to go with me. Finally i found rena! yeah! thanks gal!! haha... we met there at around 330pm and walked straight into esprit and spend the day there. We stayed till 7pm and walked away with 2 watches, 1 top, 1 jacket and a pair of bottoms. I bought a watch for my sister and a top and bottom for myself. Rena bought herself a watch and a jacket. That's not the end of the day. We left Raffles city to go to mandrain esprit again!! i have another friend working there and this time we were there to find a skirt that we saw at raffles but got no size. And we bought the skirt there! This skirt is a present for rena but she had to pay first coz me got no money liao.

haha... i feel so happy even thou i m gg to be real super broke.. this feel so good coz everything is on great discount... i think we spend around $360 bucks in a couple of hours and now i only have a few bucks to my name but i m feeling great!. I do not even dare to look at my account balance. hehe.. omg.. this is bad. i rather not eat than not shop.. shit.. this is very bad... but i had fun! thanks rena! and jolin!

River Valley St John 45th Anniversary Celebrations

this day is finally over... the results of weeks of planning, meetings and headaches.

This event has really been a learning experience. I must say i have gained a lot from this event.

Despite being present for 4oth anniversary, none of us had any idea what happened behind the scenes. So, in the end, we started from scratch. From guest lists to invitation cards, emails, t-shirts, souvenirs, programme sheets, the actual programme and the list goes on. We literally started from ZERO but we managed to pulled through. I am so proud of my fellow officers, OCTs and my juniors. In spite of some hiccups during the event, i am glad that the most of it went well.

The progress through this event had not been an easy. I have faced the most ups and downs i ever had in one period during this event. For the past couple of weeks, i have faced joy, disappointment, low self confidence and the final sense of achievement. I really wanted to give up halfway but I still hanged on till the end and i am glad that i did that. I would have been so disgusted with myself if i just walk out on my friends like that.
Thinking back, that period of time was so stressed. Like what a friend said, it was even worst than studying. I totally agree. All the late nights and the running here and there and the endless meetings. Sigh...

Now that it is over, i have other things on my hand. When will the things ever end? No, they will never end. The question i should ask myself is how long do i want to carry on doing all these. A friend once teased me, saying that i will only quit when St John collapse. I guess he might be correct.

Joining RV and St John was the turning point of my life. I will not be who i am now without the trainings from St John and i would not have met one of the most important people in my life if not for St John. Words cannot describe how i feel about St John(probably coz i m bad at them) so i am not going to try and describe.

Anyway, go the site below for some snippets of the event.

Staying Empowered During Stressful Times

It happens to the best of us. No matter how adept we become in handling difficulties, solving problems, and staying optimistic, there will be times when the once brightly-lit road becomes foggy. We can't perform at 100% 100% of the time. Sometimes we trip, and occasionally, the mistake can feel so severe that it gives our previously rock-solid confidence a resounding crack. So what do we do when we start to feel lost? How can we remain empowered and positive through stressful times?

Well, firstly, many people think that asking for help or guidance is a sign of weakness. It's needy, they feel, something that the truly capable will never request, even though they may really need the support. This is a mistaken view. The giving of help need not be a simple handout. When we give, we also receive. And if we are open to the gift of help, we may yet gain the strength that we can use to help others in future. You don't have to be the victim in need of charity. Make it a partnership; something that benefits all parties involved either immediately or in the future.

When our confidence takes a beating, we may feel like withdrawing from society, from the communities in which we used to participate. But this simply strains your self-worth even more. So, even if you're in a particularly stressful state, continue to tap into any groups of people with whom you have positive, interactive relationships on an ongoing basis. Sometimes, when everybody expects you to shrivel and disappear, simply showing up will be enough to give you and your community that much-needed boost.

During nerve-racking times, it's also important that you remain real and true to yourself. It's easy to feel as though you've become half the person you used to be. But staying positive and re-connecting with your passions and life purpose will help a great deal. Stay centred and self-respecting, but be careful not to overdo it as to appear arrogant or delusional.

When we're at our lowest ebb, when we're feeling so deflated that we think we cannot possibly have anything more to give? we can very often surprise ourselves. Mountaineers, long-distance runners, and other endurance sportspeople know that even if it feels as if we have only one remaining breath, if that breath is spent giving ourselves one final push, we can often achieve the seemingly insurmountable. So give of yourself. Do what you can to still help others. The joy of giving from the heart may just be enough to bridge that gap between stress and joy, and give you a whole new positive direction.

And remember to always turn towards love. Grow towards greatness. At the end of the day, there are only two choices - love or fear. If you can love without fear, you will never be beaten.

i got this from a friend... if only i had read this earlier....

Sunday, June 19, 2005

thanks xiling!

today a bit sian at first coz i was very tired.. din sleep too much last night den this morn had to take cab to tuition. So irritating.. i spent like 20 over bucks on taxi fare these 2 days. Sian...

I got home in the afternoon den got set to calling the old ppl to check if they are coming for the anniversary celebration. At first i din want to go out coz i want to go and sleep den xiling msg me on msn. There's only the two of us so i decided that i should not disappoint her and so i agreed to meet her after i'm done with my stuff.

Its like the first time we went out together. haha.. she was dressed nicely in skirt with a little handbag den i was like i jus came back from the wet market.. haha.. in lok-kok clothes and a gigantic big bag. Anyway, we started by shopping a little of bugis den we went downstairs to look at bags and made our way to bugis street to shop. When we're hungry after shopping, we decided to try out this cafe on the 2nd level. Not a bad place with good and cheap food. After we've finished combing bugis street, we went back to bugis to walk a while.

wow.. din realised we can spend so much time.. haha.. we met at 4pm den we shopped till like 9.30pm. but seriously the new bugis is quite nice to jus walk around coz the clothes are cheap and nicer. A lot better than far east. Think i've out-grown that place. But unlike what xiling thought, i dun think there was any shuai ge ard to see lah.. haha.. (",)

I din buy much stuff... only a denim skirt for $11.90 coz there was a 50% off! I din really like the skirt but i bought coz i so paiseh i knocked down their clothes bar. I oso bought a bag for my sister. Identical to mine. quite dumb but she like my bag and i oso like my bag so i decided that we should not fight for the bag. BUT BUT BUT... i oso saw a very very pretty and nice straw bag! but a bit over my budget. In fact its double my budget for bags. It costs $39.90 and the person say no discount. So i still considering whether i should buy. I see how lah.. should go back and see for a few more times before i decide if i really like it.

anyway, i really gotta thank xiling for dragging me out to walk around and for all her praises. hehe.. i guess i was in a little depression but xiling's kind words made me feel so much better. I really survive on praises. But seriously, praises are good esp when you are feeling lousy coz they make you feel like you're worth something. At least there's something great about you. Thanks xiling!

My resolution now is to make other ppl's day by praising them jus like what someone has done to me. (",)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

about me

i reallly wonder why is it that somethings that ppl say meant a lot than others. Coz tt person means more to you? more than a week ago, someone said something really hurting to me. Till today... i am still thinking of what that person said. dunno why that has affected me so much... so much until i am very sian.

wat that person said has something to do with the organisation that i m involved in. this organisation was such an integral part of me but now i m so sick of it. Jus feel so worthless and extra. Ppl can easily manage without me. anniversary got ailing to settle, normal workings got matt to handle and cpr classes cfm dun need me coz got hz. I am only involved coz i have time. My life revolves around this organisation so if there are nothing on, most likely i will be free. I gave up so much stuff for this until i am beginning to think that am i being too stupid. No one will appreciates you for all that you've done. Why don't i go and get my own life?

I once recalled something that someone has mentioned: all those who stayed behind are not always the best ppl. its very true coz when u look around me, i can use 1 hand to count those truly capable ppl. Its very rare that you see those best cadets around. Its either the power hungry ppl or those who have nothing better to do and very rare do you find ppl who are truly sincere. This brings me back to myself. Which group to i belong to?

I think i am now in an identity crisis. I am trying to find where i belong to. And the reason for my existence in this organisation. I am always that X's something, the girl always with Y and so on. I was nv Yanling and Yanling alone. Still think my family is the best. At least they know me as Yanling and always Yanling. I really regret neglecting them for this organisation. That time too young liao, now gg to make it up to my family.

sigh.. i think i m pms-ing but at least i feel better getting these out of my chest and writing them out helps to bring things into focus... not all stuff are written but at least i feel better now..

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

the end

wow.. yesterday finally ended my no ending days of gg back to RV. Its so super tiring. Now i can finally understand what my dear juniors are going through poor them

Anyway, i started the days on Tuesday (31st May) by going back to RV for the first parade rehearsals. Den on wed(1st June) we had the committee interview. Wow, the interview took so long but we managed to settle the interview and the committee in the same day. On Thurs (2nd June) its was rehearsal again but this time, only got me around coz matt and ailing are unable to come. So in the end i took their rehearsal and OMG, the sun was so scorching hot. I was so red and dark when i got home. YUCKS!! Den on friday, its was rehearsal again together with their handover parade. The sec 4s cannot wait to handover to their juniors. But i think some of them was pretty sad coz got ppl cried.

This was not the end.. sigh... on Saturday got a public duty to do. haha.. supposed to wear full-u but when we got there, uncle teo said no need to change. heehee... On Sunday, i had to bring the kids to watch sinmal com. AL supposed to come with me but she overslept so i told her to stay at home and sleep. All of us haven been getting enough sleep coz we day time go school den night time do paper work n stuff at home. All preparations for anniversary. On Sunday night i still have the sinmal com dinner to attend. sigh... so tired...

but anyway, today and tmr are rest days! i get my break.. haha.. gg to sleep like pig.. even though i know i still got quite a bit of stuff haven do yet.. sigh..they can wait...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

half dead

omg.. my lappie jus scared me half to death...

i accidentally got some tea on it den it got angry... the keypad went mad.. i nv touch anything it type "rrrrrrrrrrrrr" all the way... den i press backspace.. it give me gvyr....omg....

sorry darling.. i wun get anything drinks or anything you dun like near you anymore.. dun be angry with me ok? sorry sorry...

anyway.. its working properly now.. sigh.. i was scared stiff...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

hot day

i meant hot as in literally hot and my temper very hot... i had a cold shower and an ice cream. managed to cool me down quite a lot... really cooled me down.. i can think better after that..

sigh.. anyway.. it started coz my teacher was chasing us out of school today. den she said that the juniors are in a hurry to leave. they said(the juniors) that their life do not revolve around st john. Den i got so irritated. Like mine does yar? i dun even have to do so much stuff if they really do get their stuff done. OMG... such an ungrateful bunch of kids. In fact i dun even need to come back leh. I cant get a job coz of this anniversary stuff and i got nothing out of it ok? spoilt brats.

i was really angry for very long. And the parents are complaining. Say something like if we say 5 have to let them off at 5pm. den my mum has to call and complain that nv see me at home. Made my blood boil. Like their parents will complain mine dun complain ya? Only they are doing stuff ah? And please loh, they are not even doing their stuff properly so the least they can do is to shut their mouth up ya?

I nv expected thanks for helping. I am a volunteer and i happily sacrifice my time. But the least they can do is to keep quiet them they do not have better things to say.

sigh.. anyway.. after thinking about it for quite a while. Why am i so worked up for? Maybe it isn't what they said, I only heard it from the teacher. And my teacher has a habit of misunderstanding what ppl really meant.

the cold shower really worked. I felt so much better now. More open and receptive to things. I should learn to control my emotions.

Monday, May 30, 2005

30th may 2005

a week since my last blog.. not like nothing happened but like a friend said... the feeling is lost by the time you get to the computer and you dun feel like blogging anymore..

well.. today something interesting happened.. hehe.. not very interesting lah.. but i got to go out with hz today. i hear groanings. Hey.. its a monday and he's supposed to be working loh but he off and he decided that he wants to come out with me instead of sitting at home with his computer. So happy! but he come out must find things to argue with me. Keep asking me why that little thing (some abnormal growth) on my arm havs not heal yet and keep asking me if i got see the doctor. He added that tell me so much oso no use, i wun listen and i will regret it. Hello... my skin got anything to do with you? i already very irritated over my face and my legs liao.. do you still have to rub into it?

His words made me think of something. Probably i was being sensitive but maybe he started to 嫌弃 me? i really think that i've became uglier since i left JC. I cannot help but feel sad that he, of all ppl, has to judge me by my appearance. But i think i am being silly lah.. he's not such a person. At his age, he would want a gf who's presentable that you can bring to meet your friends... i think all guys are like that...

Anyway, it brought me back to a classmate of mine. We jus had JC class gathering on sunday den got this fren of mine who slimmed down a lot. She used to be bigger size(slightly) den me and i think she's now a lot slimmer than me. Can even say she's not on the small side. A classmate asked what happened den she said she went jogging. Den my fren commented that she looks different. Den she said something like:" good mah, den i have a chance to get a bf."

Her words really made me think a lot. Guys really judge girls by appearance? I think its so sad. And i was thinking, if i ever really break up with hz, i will jus be left on the shelf coz i think i m so ugly now. Scars all over the place. oh my goodness....

sigh... but i guess the world is like that lah. Looks is always what attracts you to that person in the first place. Frankly speaking, i wun want to be a person who's ugly. But seriously, appearance is not the first thing on my list. It is probably one of those but definitely not the most impt. But its hard to say lah. I probably wun think so when the thing really happen to me. I hope that i wun have to choose another person. sigh... life...

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

happy birthday!

first.. i would like to wish junie a very happy 21st birthday as well as to my darling..

sunday i went to junie's birthday party. Din know a lot of people there except for the "pretty girls". But ting din managed to make it. So we are short of 1 pretty girl. After the party we went to sing KTV. The person at K-Box was so irritating... she keep trying to push us (junie's frens and us) into one room and we do not want coz its so weird. Den in the end she says we has to wait. Den in the end someone behind us get a room while we did not. After waiting for a while, we decided to ask again den she still says dunno if got room or not. So we said we want to go party world loh. Den she immediately says wait for another 15 to 25 mins. Haha.. we got the room in under 10 mins. What an effective way! but i seriously cannot stand her lah..

anyway.. she din spoil our mood. we had real great fun singing and shouting. i haven had such fun for a very long time liao. really miss those girls! some ppl like them are those whom you can dun meet for very long and still have tons to talk about. i'm looking forward to the next gathering with them.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

flood of emotions

sigh.. today's the day...

i was shocked when i see the results coz i wasn't really prepared.. den when i click i saw the reality right in front of my eyes...

sigh.. wat was i supposed to feel.. shocked? surprised? expected? disappointed? or i deserve my results?

dunno.. i know that i haven been working hard. Blame myself for not putting in enough effort? Blame the school for all the drilling work during exams and lectures? Blame them for putting all 4 tutorials on the same day? Or blame my tuition centre for not having enough teachers then i have to take classes until i have no time to study? Who's fault? i have no idea...

okay.. frankly speaking.. my results is not that bad.. jus the worst of all the semesters loh.. sigh.. . maybe i was too complacent.. sigh.. wat to do? work harder next sem loh... sigh...

Thursday, May 19, 2005

beautiful pictures

nothing to blog so i decided to post some very nice anime pictures.. obtained from doing the quizzes here..

http://www.quizilla.com/users/lilsweetchic2000/quizzes/

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